The Secret to being Superwoman..

Throughout my entire pregnancy and motherhood – almost everyone I know has referred to me as “superwoman” at some point.

I’m not tooting my own horn. That’s just facts. ‘Real Talk’ if you prefer.

It’s been over two years since I found out I was pregnant, so I thought I’d tell you guys my secret..

Sometimes I would quietly in my head, agree with them: I was told I wouldn’t be able to uni with a baby, but I did it anyway; I had a part time job; I had moved out of my parents house and moved away from my friends; I was breastfeeding and doing my dissertation in the dark at 4am… in short.. I was doing what *felt* like everything.. and that meant I was superwoman.. so it was fine. Right?

Over the last year, My idea of being Superwoman has changed because..

I don’t know what the *BEEEEP* I’m doing. (soz can’t swear. I’ve got a 2 year old)  on paper, I’m homeless (sweet) in reality, I’m living in a room smaller than my childhood room (awesome) without a door handle (rad) with my boyfriend and my son, in a house with 7 other people. I’m working part-time and (at present barely) doing an internship which I do pretty much straight when I get home from work. (YAS)

Kenroy (the boyf) goes to work within an hour of me being home so baby’s dinner and bedtime are on me and sometimes Kamari (the bebz) won’t go to sleep for… a while to say the least. So a lot of the time I’ll still be up past midnight (SIIKKK)

Then like clock work, Kamari’s up at 8 wanting a “cuggle” (Cuddle for those of you not fluent in toddler and couldn’t work that out) and “Uhfoood?” so after trying stop him from throwing clothes all over the place and eating crumbs of god knows what from god knows where.. I make his breakfast and also try and get ready for work..

aaaaaaaaand repeat.

*breathe*

Luckly working at a school, I get the holidays* I don’t get paid for them mind you* but don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

During the Christmas break I had a break.. down and realised was doing too much.

You know something’s off balance when people call me superwoman, but superwoman looks like this:

4da0cfcdb35789794a26ec0909353bdd

and I look and feel like this..:

trash.jpeg

 

I’m 23. Like most people my age, I’m still learning how to be a fully functioning adult (Do they even exists?)

 

Honestly, the secret to being Superwoman? You can’t be.. all the time. That’s cool.. stop putting pressure to yourself to do everything. You don’t have to. Take that time for yourself.

You’re always superwoman to someone, at least be superwoman to yourself first…

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6 things I did to get my groove back after having a baby

One of the main things that took a hit after I had Kamari was my confidence. Pregnancy, giving birth and becoming a parent are emotionally taxing and physically exhausting. Your hormones change and you get no sleep you have to deal with having a stomach that you ripples like a river when you move.

Growing a human is weird.

Feeling like you’re useless and that you can’t do anything for yourself and by yourself isn’t nice but it isn’t uncommon.

Recently it got super bad and I fell in a massive hole. But after a week of feeling debilitatingly anxious, here are a few things that I did to get my groove back:

  1. Listening/Reading to a few self help books or podcasts.
    Finding time to read when you have a little one can be hard especially if you have minimal help so listening to audiobooks or podcasts can make it a bit easier. Find books that resonate with you.. they don’t even have to be books to do with being a parent.
    My top three have been How To Be a Hip Mama Without Losing Your Cool by Jenny Scott, The Art Of Seduction by Robert Green and the podcast Black Girl in OM.  I’ll do post on other podcasts and books I love, but these are my go to books.
  2. As soon as you can, whenever you can, start working out;
    I know it’s a blatant tip and everyone will tell you work out for your health, but it will really help out. The secret is though, NOBODY and NO BODY ARE THE SAME. Just because Jasmine who’s had 98 children and practices yoga everyday and runs on a treadmill while she sleeps doesn’t mean you have to do that. Find something that you find enjoyable and that fits into your life easily, because that way it won’t seem like a chore. If you like dancing and your kids aren’t old enough to hate you doing so (or even if they are) whack your favourite party track and dance! You could go swimming; you could go roller skating.. honestly anything is good if you having a good time and breaking a sweat. (sex is also good for that.. so..)
  3. Get some friends;
    I don’t mean that to sound harsh because I get it. I literally had no mum friends and all my uni friends we’re in the next city, all my friends from my city lived far away and all my friends from home we’re all over the country at  different universities. Being lonely can really take a knock on your confidence – especially if your other half works; You’re home all day feeding and attending to a person who whole heartedly dependant on you and there is no scope for a break.
    Find mum groups on facebook, classes for mum’s and babies or use apps like Peanut to vent and bond with mum’s who know what you’re going through or know how to help.
  4. Tell people what you need.
    Time alone, time with someone, a bath, a hug.. the list could be short or (is most likely) long. Nobody (except for David Blane probably) can read your mind. Sometimes (all the time) with kids you feel like you have to do everything and as the phrase goes ‘It takes a village to raise a child‘ so don’t do it by yourself; and don’t you dare feel bad about it. I’ll bop you in the face if you do. It is nice feeling like you have control and that your child is getting what they need but sometimes a parent  needs a night out (or 3) with wine and junk food to come home to, ya’know?
  5. Step out of your comfort zone and fake it ’till you make it.

    I suggest doing little things to throw you out of your comfort zone in order to get your confidence back – nobody’s asking you to jump out of a plane (unless you’re into that kind of thing) for example I hate lipstick. I’ve tried several shades over the years and just been like.. ‘nope. Thanks but no thanks. ya’dig?’ However.. I bought a dark purple liquid lipstick. I love it. I feel like a badass. I feel like a LOOK like a badass and the cool thing about being a badass is you won’t care if you don’t actually look like one. You feel great and that’s all that matters.

The Devotion Directory: Quick, Cheap and Easy Date Ideas That You Can do in a pinch…

It’s no secret that when you have a baby, making time for your other half is damn near impossible. Sometimes you can get so wrapped up in work, bills, how clean the house is that special events like.. oh.. I don’t know.. let’s see.. erm VALENTINE’S DAY.. might just slip your mind.

No stress.. got you covered.

An Indoor Picnic

This is a really simple idea and it goes down a treat;

Put together some ‘romantic’ picnic foods (if foods can be romantic) like, your standard chocolate covered strawberries, bring some beverages of your choice, make little sandwiches and lay down a blanket in a room of your choice BAM you’re ready to go!

Depending on your resources and budget you can raid a local pound shop or supermarket and add a little romance to the decor: When I did this for Kenroy, I bought some fake rose petals and some gold plates to display the food on – even though it was from pound land it looked pretty good if I do say so myself!

 

Indoor Cinema

Grab some cinema snacks and popcorn (make it fresh if you feel like it!), gather all of the pillows you own past present and future and make a cosy cuddle den for you and your partner.

If you are so inclined, you can find games  (drinking or otherwise) to play during the film if you’re watching a film that you’ve seen before, or you can just chill out and watch a genre of film you’ve never thought to watch. Hell, you can even watch more than one film! Push the boat out..

This is so simple to do but it’s a winner.

 

Pamper Night

Kids make you tired and stressed – we all know. They also can cost your a fair amount of money.. so with regards to being able to pay for spa days  and such like, sometimes that’s just not feasible, but bubble bath is pretty cheap and if you don’t own coconut oil, how are you even alive? Go get some!

Run a bath, stick some bubbly stuff in it (soap or champagne, I don’t care, do your thing) find some tea lights, play some spa like music and either let your partner have a nice relaxing bath or join them (once again I don’t care, do your thing.. live your best life)

Once the bath has served it’s purpose, give them a massage (nudge nudge – that’s what the coconut oil is for friends!) Back massage, foot massage, sexy massage (again I tell you, I don’t care, do your thing, live your best life.. be a free spirit at one with the wind.)

You guys will be so relaxed afterwards you’ll sleep like a baby.. well a baby that sleeps anyway.

Home-tel l Stay-cation..

(Get it?  Like Hotel Vacation!? .. hold the applause.)

This one is something I whipped up the day before Valentine’s day last year and I must say – I was pretty chuffed with myself. This date cost me a bit more than the other ideas I had but I do think that’s mainly because I bought my other half a PS4 game and insisted on buying new sheets and a decorative pillow, which obviously are not necessary… I’m just extra.

This date really works if someone takes the initiative and makes it a surprise! I used plain A4 paper and felt tip pens to make areas of the hotel; The Spa, The Lobby and of course the actual Hotel room. I wrote a menu for the food I had bought in the ‘hotel restaurant’ and provided slippers and PJ’s as compliments of ‘Hotel Du Medford- Brandt'( I know I’m literally so cute, but sorry I’m taken.)

Of course you could always order ‘room service’ from Just eat or Deliveroo..

Do face masks, eat the food, jump on the bed and treat it like a little holiday!

Bonus tips

  • If you’re more of a present giving type, this is the quickest and cheapest thing everrrrrrrr. Printable gifts. I know I know.. no need to that me.

Etsy is great for these – you can get day planners, wall prints, cards, banners the list goes on.. you can literally print labels to put on your other half’s favourite wine, chocolate etc to make it personal and pretty.

If like me, you’re a human who stumbled into adulthood and realised that you don’t have everything they need to be an adult (like a printer), regress and become child like again; pick up some coloured markers and paper make your own labels and colour you heart away.. it’ll be cute – go on!

  • STAY OFF YOUR DAMN PHONES. This is couple time, not facebook time. take a picture to cherish your efforts but no scrolling because thats LAME! (Burn.)
  • Lastly, If the kids wake up and just wont go to sleep, hang out out with them too! Valentines day is about people that you love and would hope that you love your little loud bundle of joy..

Right, Have a lovely Valentine’s Day!

 

Becoming a Domestic Good-Ass: an Introduction.

Having a baby does weird things to your body. Your belly gets super big. Your emotions are all over the place. You want to eat everything, then you want to eat nothing at all. Kinda like puberty but worse.

Being young, everyone said to me “ohhhhhhh you’re youuuuuunnnggggggg your body will SNAP.BACK.”they were sort of right, but you can’t account for postpartum stress, emotional eating, not getting enough sleep, sitting down all day to write a dissertation and barely being able to leave the house. Naturally.. one would put on weight.

I was lucky to begin with –  I was breastfeeding and a fun fact for you guys is that breastfeeding burns between 500-700 (ish) calories a day! Woop! And you’re not even doing anything! (really)

Now, I used to look like this:

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and sadly due some of the standards I felt I had to fit.. I legit thought I was overweight in this picture. (I’d just got back from a holiday to visit family in Guyana and Dominica and there was  A LOT of fried food mainly Pholourie… look them up if you want to get fatter and have sunshine in your mouth.)

The problem was, when I 17, I didn’t know how good I had it! I was very active and I didn’t even know; I pretty much much walked everywhere;I was lifeguard during college so I swam a lot; I also used the gym at the leisure centre I worked at and I used the gym at college, where I was also doing a lot of dancing.

As a result of being so active I could eat a lot of calorie dense rubbish and have nothing to show for it. Similarly, when I was breastfeeding, I would sort of feel bad eating a whole box of mini rolls then I’d think.. “Well even if I eat and extra 800 calories breastfeeding burns 700 so that leaves 100 calories that I can exercise off, or just leave because that’s basically the same calories as a banana and bananas are good for you, so not to worry!”

I had to stop breast feeding cold turkey at 8 months because I’d just got a new job and I had to work full-time as did Kenroy so my parents took Kamari for the week. I had no time to adjust to new eating habits and because my boobs were in so much pain, I didn’t care what I was eating. (my job also at that time was door-to-door fundraising so I was walking a lot and therefore eating a lot. obvs.)

I’ve basically just gained some really bad habits.

_________

Over the last year I’ve gone through so many changes emotionally, financially and of course physically.

Even though I’m still in a difficult places with these at times, I’ve learnt to cope and now have the motivation to do something about the issues.

The definition of ‘MILF’ is going to be different to everyone;  I want to be a mum who’s healthy, a mum who’s independent and don’t need no man (but has one anyway and loves him with all her heart), I want to be a mum who still gets to do things that make me happy.

Also  really want to be somebody’s ‘ #Goals because why not?? I’m #blessed. #Love. #NoFilter.

So look forward to me blowing the bank at Holland and Barrett and pulling a muscle or 20.

To Be Continued…

P.S. If you don’t want to blow the bank as much as I know I will.. Here’s a link for a discount code for Holland and Barratt – a little present from me!

https://mention-me.com/m/ol/rm7mm-ella-brandt

Stressy Mum 101: An Emotional Re-Boot

So your house is mess; You’re getting mad at your partner and your child is exercising their pincer grip and chucking the food you gave them all over the floor.

Safe to say you’re going mad.

Have you turned yourself off and on again? That normally fixes stuff.

No?

Let’s Re-Boot.

Step one – Put that back thing back where it came from. So help me..

Okay, maybe don’t put your kid back where it came from.. (it was painful enough to get it out..) but do enlist the help of family members or friends who wouldn’t mind looking after your little angel for a bit. (A bit. A phrase meaning 10 minutes or 10 days, depending on who you talk to.)

Remember, there’s always someone who can help! Even though sometimes it can feel like you’re failing or can feel a bit daunting to ask people to help you out,  but everyone deserves a break and parents most definitely deserve a break. Take a breathe, ask for help, get some sleep. Easy.

Step two – Fail to Plan; Plan to Fail..

Depending on how much time you have away from your lovely stress ball, you may or may not have enough time or energy to do everything you need to or want to.

Prioritise – you might not have the chance to clean the whole flat but maybe you can aim to clean the living room so you have time to go out for coffee with a friend. If you work, maybe do this step first so you can book time off and make the most of your baby free holiday.

Step Three – There’s no time like the present..

Even though I’ve just told you that you need to plan.. don’t plan too much. When you’ve got the chance to have all this free time, be spontaneous – do something you’ve been wanting to do that’s kinda difficult to do with a little one around. Don’t waste all your time finding stuff to watch on Netflix, or playing video games until the cows come home (waste some of your time doing that.. who am I kidding.. that mess is fun af.)

Instead, go to a local restaurant, spend all night at your friends’ house and chill, get drunk, make music or do your favorite indoor activities outside i.e. go to the cinema or an arcade! You can make these a date with your other half or spend the day to yourself… just go do it!

Step Four – R.E.S.P.E.C.T and T.L.C..

When you look after a little person day in, day out, you can sort of forget who you are, what day it is and how to breathe and walk at the same time; Don’t worry, I get it.

Use this time to take care of yourself. Tell yourself you’re doing a brilliant job. Get some clean comfy clothes, have a bath or shower full of soap that smells like fruit cake, put on a face mask, have your favorite meal and snuggle into a cosy duvet. You can read a book, paint your nails, binge watch something – Idc.. just do something for you, boo.

Step Five – The Social Network…

As much as your other half tries to listen to the drama from work or what happened to Sally from school, there a good chance he doesn’t care too much, especially when you’ve told him 3 times this week. This would be a good time to reassemble the Avengers and get together with your friends. Just spill the beans, spill less of the wine and have a good chin wag. There’s nothing more therapeutic than hanging out with someone who doesn’t throw up on you and cry. (although it depends on how much wine you guys have I guess..)

Of course you don’t have to have a quiet night in, you could can have a loud day out too! Go shopping, go to a cafe.. Step Three is also applicable here!

Step Five – Bringing sexy back..

SEX. Cool now we’ve got past all the awkwardness.. lets talk about it.

Sure, on a day-to-day basis, there are times and opportunities for you you and your partner to ‘get your freak on’ as it were, but use this free time to make it an event;  Ladies, treat yourself (and your partner *wink wink*) to a new lingerie set.. spend a day making yourself feel beautiful whether that be wearing a full face of make up and heels, or sweats and t-shirt. Don’t do all the work though – Dads, get your manscaping on, get some champers (or whatever, I’m not judging), light some candles and put some music on.. If she doesn’t like that kind of stuff wrack your brain and do something unique for her – make you other half feel special. Re-connect before you… Re-Connect. You dig?

Play games, be silly and more importantly – have fun.

Right, I’ve said all I need to say. Go practise making more kids.

 

 

 

Parenthood and Mental Health..

To put it plain and simple: I have anxiety.

I think people hate me before we’ve even shared a glance;

I think people hate me or have forgotten about me even when we have shared a glance several times and I’ve known the person for several years;

I hate calling people; it takes me forever to message people back or I just won’t, because I feel like if I don’t think about what I say I’ll say something stupid;

I try so hard not to burden people with my problems and worries I either laugh when some asks how I am, or say ‘I’m fine though, It’s cool, don’t worry’ so they leave me to cry myself to sleep in peace. (yay)

So basically the truth is I don’t really do much or talk to many people.

Part of my anxiety comes from the preconception that young parents are lazy parents and palm their kids off to grandparents and more experienced people growers.

Now I’m not going to lie to you.. I’m completely guilty of sometimes letting Stu and Deedee Pickles from Rugrats take over parenting duties for a long while I catch up on sleep, or piling toys into Kamari’s cot and let him swim around in primary coloured books and teddy bears that play high pitched”rinky-tinky” (as my mum would call it) nursery rhymes , because I want to watch a youtube video of someone making a giant onion ring. (It was great. Now I’m hungry.)

I’m human. I’ve got to have a break… but am I’m in no way a lazy parent.

Unfortunately my wonderful anxiety constantly wants to let me know that I must prove to everyone that I’m not a lazy parent. Super fun.. super cool…

***

In August after 3 (nearly 4) long relatively sleepless (thanks Kam) months of waiting, I started going to counselling sessions. (if you’re in the bristol area and need counselling try Off The Record… all lovely and helpful people)

I met my counsellor “M” who literally was one of the coolest looking people I’ve ever met, we sat and had a chat about My life, my love and motherhood.

It was nice to be able to unload.

We very soon established that my brain worked (sometimes still does) in two parts; I had a ‘mean’ voice and a rational voice. My mean voice, who I ended up calling Nova, was huge. like massive one hundred time bigger than my rational voice (who is actually nameless to this day. I might call him Steve. Steve sounds like a rational/nice dude.)

So for example this is how I process things:

Situation: My friends are socialising and I see pictures/video/etc on social media.

Steve: awh cute. my friends are cool. how nice they’re having a good time. yay! sure you can’t be there but, you’ve got a phone give ’em a text!

Nova: Lol they’re having the best time without you. If you were there it’d would be the worst gathering to date. You shouldn’t even be thinking about socialising anyway. You’re a mum. No one wants to talk to you anyway. Don’t even think about texting them, they wouldn’t care anyway. You should probably take up knitting and buy a rocking chair. You’ll never be able to go out again. You don’t deserve to go out anyway… and you’re fat. lol.

Steve: well I mean I don’t think tha-

Nova: Shut up Steve.

***

I doubt I ever had postpartum depression – Maybe I did. I really don’t know. All I can say is ( and my boyfriend, as adoring as he is, would agree) that for the first few months I was not myself at all.

I will put on my big girl pants and admit that I am VERY self deprecating.. and in those first few months it was so. much. worse.

Before you’ve decided whether or not you want to insult me,  I’ve already insulted my hair, skin and outfit and helpfully written you a list of good follow on insults to really hit me in the self-esteem.

Parenthood is wonderful; Parenthood is stressful. When you’re not expecting parenthood and you’re young, as much as people tell you “You’re young, you can do so many things! You have so much time!” Sometimes.. it really doesn’t feel like that.

I had a lot of trouble acknowledging that I was actually a separate person to Kamari; Human babies are pretty helpless in the grand scheme of things and helpless is how I felt.

When Kamari wakes up, I change his nappy, reading him a book or play with him, make his breakfast, feed him breakfast play with him some more until he gets cranky and falls asleep… then I’ll make myself something to eat. of course I want to do that for my son, but as humans we have to look after ourselves as well as parents we most definitely need to look after ourselves: we’re going to be looking after someone else for at least 18 years and worrying about them forever and always – that’s a lot of stress. (no offence, kids!)

When I was still having counselling, Me and ‘M’ developed a simple way of working out what I wanted to do to relax and how I’d go about doing them.

We just took a piece of paper and wrote down ‘Just For Me’. On the left we wrote ‘With Kamari’ and on the right we wrote “by myself”.

For example: Go to the park’: I could go to the park with Kamari. then I’d put the notes ‘I don’t need child care. just a day off and some decent weather.’ ‘Go to the Cinema’: I could go to the cinema by myself or with Kenroy, or some friends. ‘I would need childcare a day off and a movie to see.’

However big or small I write them down and try to add more and actually make time to do some as the weeks pass – Paint my nails, go to the gym, sleep at a hotel and order room service etc.

 

Basically what I’m training myself to do (and hopefully giving you good advice on) is not feeling guilty or unworthy. Parenthood is hard. You need down time.

It’s not about leaving the baby out and being irresponsible, it’s about keeping yourself sane.

________________________________________________________________

If you want to have a go doing this, I’ve left a downloadable version of my Just For Me page here so you don’t have to use a pen for as long! (We are millennials after all!)

You’re welcome..

Doodle, scribble, cut and paste everything you want to do on that page. it’s quite minimal so make it yours!

 

 

What I’ve Learnt In The First 3 Months…

These first few months have been slow but fast at the same time. I didn’t go to any classes while pregnant (because NCT think it’s cool to charge £120 for the privilege and they don’t accept student discounts apparently..)

  1. Your first night at home is a real wake up call. Literally. You can’t catch up on the sleep you most likely didn’t get during labour. Sorry.
  2. You will need so many muslin cloths. At least 100 in each room to be safe.
  3. No. Your baby won’t wear all the clothes you buy or get given because they grow really fast.
  4. Don’t compare your baby to other babies. They’re different people and will do different things at different times.                                                                                                     12065695_10153035183830793_6381921441910115941_n
  5. Let people help out. Don’t be proud.
  6. Ask people to help out. Don’t be proud.
  7. You will need people to help out. It’s fine.
  8. You won’t see your friends as much, but they’re still there for you. Don’t worry.                  735017_10208899809318171_4629222682560725023_n
  9. A majority if not all the presents you receive will be for the baby, so find time to treat yourself.
  10. When you do receive presents for the baby, the cute sleep suits are obviously great.. But the basics gifts like 196 nappies are the absolute best. (We did actually get given this many nappies in one go. From one person. It was the best day.)
  11. You will get peed on and will most definitely get poo on your person. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger..
  12. In addition to that, almost every item of clothing you have will get covered in baby sick.
  13. Sleep deprivation is real, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
  14. The light maybe really far away depending on how receptive you baby is to routines.
  15. Bath time is nice.
  16. Any type of sleepsuit that fastens at the back or you need to pull over their heads are the worst.                                                                                                                                                       12527910_10205634157955586_809139742_n
  17. If they’re too adorable you’ll use them anyway.
  18. Colic.
  19. You can’t “just go” to places now. Babies take longer than you do to get ready – they don’t even wear make up. Wtf.
  20. If you get asked to go out with the girls, try your hardest to go! It’ll be great.
  21. If you’re breastfeeding, your boobs will leak.
  22. Be friends with other mothers – you’ll need them.
  23. Babies are cute, even when they fart. Especially when they fart.
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  24. You’ve just had a baby. Like, literally pushed a human out. Don’t get upset you don’t fit into your size 10 jeans – it’s okay!
  25. Tell your partner what you need – they have never and never will be able to read your mind. Unless they invent something for that. If someone does – buy it.
  26. You will appreciate your parents like you never have before.
  27. You will cry somedays.
  28. Your baby will cry everyday.
  29. Your house will be a mess. It just will.
  30. Babies are more robust than you think. That little accidental bop on the head will not give them concussion.
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  31. You’ll have moments where you sit there and think “I can’t believe I made you! WHAAAAAT???!”
  32. Life’s not as different as you think it’d be. If you’re finding it difficult, you’ll learn and get back to normal soon.
  33. You don’t need to come across like you’ve got this parenting thing down to perfection. You may want to but it’s more trouble and stress than it’s worth.
  34. Every book says something that contradicts the last book you read. Just use your common sense. You know your baby the best.
  35. Every person will want to tell you something different to the last person you spoke to. Just use your common sense. you still know your baby the best.
  36. Your baby can’t tell you you’re doing a good job but don’t stress – you are.

Happy 3 months Little Cherub.

My Labour Story

 

My son, Kamari, was born at 20:01pm on the 18th October 2015. 2 weeks exactly after he was due.

Pros of him being late:

  • His birthday won’t overshadow mine Mwahahaa (he was due the day after my birthday)
  • Had extended couple time (Yay! Cuddles!)
  • Had more time to prepare (Sort of..)

Cons of him being late:

  • I had to be induced.

Now, Mothers old and young will tell you that baby brain is a very real and very problematic thing when you’re trying to be somewhat organised; I was due to be at the hospital at 7:30 AM on October 16th to get the ball rolling, however baby brain convinced me that I had to be there at 7:30 PM ergo.. no baby today.

Finally turning up at the right time the next day and after an hour and a half of waiting the induction process began.

9:30am – Given a tablet to help bring on contractions and dilation.

12pm – Hospital food… which wasn’t too bad to be fair..

2pm – 2cm dilated “We can break your waters soon!!” yay.

***

2:30AM 18th October – they broke my waters.

From this point on we really just played a very painful and long waiting game.

I was put on a hormone drip because my HENCH ROBUST BODY wasn’t allowing me to dilate. The hormone drip allowed me to have stronger contractions which is great, however a few of the midwives I was seen by on the day described it as “Dynamite”. What fun.

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Now, I have a pretty high pain tolerance as the 23 times I’ve been pierced will tell you (Sorry Mum); and up to a point, I had only had 2 dosages of paracetamol. When things started getting really ‘fun’ I asked for gas and air which did actually make things fun for a time. I DID however have to get off the birthing ball I was provided with, just because I KNOW if I had stayed on it… I .. Wouldn’t have stayed on it.

I started having regular contractions after a while, but once again my HENCH ROBUST BODY  would stop me having a contraction for 10 minutes, which meant MORE HORMONES, which then in turn meant more “Ow”.

In between my crying, shouting and surprising lack of expletives, I timidly asked “um, what’s the next type of pain relief?”

***

The epidural took 20 minutes to administer (apparently) and another 20 minutes to kick in. I honestly couldn’t tell.. I was in so much pain and the doctor in my eyes was essentially telling me to play solo twister while my insides were trying to kill me. Sit up. Bend forward. Put your hands in the air. Wave ’em around like you’re just trying to give birth and feel like you’re not dying.

He also found this to be an excellent time to point out to me that I had a ‘slight curve in my spine’. I didn’t care. I was in pain.

“When I come back to see ladies I’ve given epidurals to they’re either asleep or smiling” he said once he’d finished. He was right – hey rest of the day was far more relaxed. Apart from my Mum and boyfriend taking turns to sneak out of the room to eat peanut -butter sandwiches to spare my starving self extra torture, we all just chilled out until my midwife told me I could start pushing which, was at around 6:30pm.

After around an hour and 20 minutes of pushing (3 times every contraction) , I looked at the clock [19:50] then looked at my boyfriend [supportive, but terrified] then I said: “I’m going to get him out in 10 minutes.”

I did it in 11.

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xoxo

P.S. MIDWIVES ARE THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE!

Where to even start…

Hi there!

My name is Ella Brandt, I’m 20 (soon to be 21), I’m just about to start my 3rd year at university and on May 11th 2015 I found out I was 19 weeks pregnant.

Yeah. 19 weeks.

 

It was a massive shock – not going to lie. I’ve been in an irreplaceably perfect relationship for the last year and a half with someone I love very much. I was on the pill, we used condoms, I’d just lost a bit of weight and I was still getting my lovely visits from mother nature. She wasn’t doing her job right.

After visiting 3 doctors over 2 weeks (two of which either didn’t have time to check “that lump on my stomach” or didn’t know what “that lump on my stomach” was) it was 99% concluded that I had a fibroid – a non cancerous tumour, however was advised to take a pregnancy test anyway. Negative.

The HGC hormone wasn’t there anymore. But I didn’t know.

Due to the area fibroids grow i needed to go to the ultrasound clinic in the hospital. After placing the “doo-hicky” on my stomach for all of 2 seconds (no hyperbole) I was asked a question:

“Are you sure it’s not a pregnancy?”

“Yeah I took a pregnancy test and stuff.. came out negative so..”

“Right. Yeah. Well it is one.”

***

Right, well now I have your attention I invite you to join me on my journey.

In about 3 weeks I’m going to have to be a girlfriend, a 3rd year student and a Millennial Mumma. Yikes. Wish me Luck…

EB and Baby K xo

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